It means: I am a lonely soul. (or have, I might as well have failed french)

For those not in the know (and you should be because twin peaks is the fucking shit) this was the suicide note of the short lived character Harold Smith. Basically he is was an agoraphobic who recorded some of the lives (and more importantly the personal secrets) of the locals of Twin Peaks. The character struck a major chord with me because his predicament seems like an exaggerated way of how I see myself. I don’t consider myself suicidal by any means, but I do feel almost 99% of the time like a very inward focused, disconnected observer of people.

I see the same group of friends almost everyday, the logical step would be to consider myself part of that crew, but whenever I’m around them all I can think about is how their group narrative (and their bond is so that such a thing exists) is totally unrelated to my own (which is largely based on going out into the world and “doing my own thing.”) Honestly, my favorite moments in life have always been totally independent to any one group of people, and were more often then not based in very short periods (a summer camp, a short lived girlfriend, a memorable club night, things like that).

This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if I could turn this into a social-butterfly-like situation like I was when I first started making friends back in early high school, but years of overanalysis/missed opportunities have led me to believe I’m getting more insular and awkward instead of less.

I’ve got some minor solutions in mind, it’s just a matter of putting theory into practice. Done ranting now.

(Source: twinpeaks4eva)